Diana - 22 years together, 6.5 years after: "Part of taking care of yourself is taking care of your kids because it's all the same. That's what I say. And my therapist or a friend will say, what have you done for you? And I say, you're only as happy as your most miserable child. The best thing of all is these two kids and when they have suffered trauma,you are that much more fierce about your happiness being in large part about their being able to adjust and cope and function with the grief and sadness in their lives, and to also learn that they can experience joy and pleasure."
Danielle - 28 years together, 2 years after: "Grief counseling. Whenever I would feel lost, I would give them a call. That really helped a lot. I just think everybody deals with it differently. A lot of people have opinions on how you handle it."
Darrell - 25 years together, 1.5 years after: "We had a cocktail hour every Saturday evening after Roger came home from church and before going out to dinner. It usually included wine or champagne, cheese, some fruit, nuts, and crackers. We would have some unobtrusive music on. This would be our time, every week, to really talk to each other. About life, our shared or personal histories or any plans we had for the future."
Paula T - 25 years together, 9 years after: "I'm not religious, but there's one thing that happened when she passed that was just the weirdest thing in that room that she was in, it was a beautiful room. It was in a revamped house and there were gardens and flowers outside the windows and she had these French doors that looked out to the garden, and looking through the glass doors, there were two bunnies on their back, legs at the glass looking in.
And then all of a sudden I looked outside and there were like 20 bunnies all rolling and playing. And then she was gone. So, you know, it's that crazy time when you look for magical thinking. I know that. And if anybody notices my art collection at home, there may be a bunny here and there, because it always stuck with me."
Ronnye - 20 years together, 17.5 years after: "We both had kids from previous marriages and we were introduced by mutual friends. So he came to pick me up for our first date, it was a blind date. And he was wearing the toupee and a polyester suit. 'Oh' I said, 'No, like no.' But I had a good time. We went out and he was kind and generous and attentive and so I went out with him again."
Jane - 30 years together, 2.5 years after: "I've read that when older people lose their partners then you don't get touched. To be without touch is a terrible thing. It's like up there with food and shelter. And that's why it's good to get out there and meet people and yes, have companionship. I think people sort of go back to their usual state before a spouse died. I mean if you've been a person with a sense of humor you will go back to having a sense of humor- you retain your basic self."
Sue 55 years together, 11 years after: "I went to a bereavement group at the 'Y' and I said the problem that I had was that I had no women friends. We were all couples. And so one of the yentas said to me when you stop playing bridge with all the men you'll have women friends'. So I started to play Mah- Jongg."
Dennis - 12 years together, 3 months after: "She died the second month of this year, February. I'm seeing a lot of people from all walks of my life. I'm getting together for lunches, dinners, hanging out with people and I'm also seeing my therapist twice a week. So I guess I'm taking care of myself the best I can. I'm scared because, you know, I'm 72. Judy and I found love relatively late in life and I thought we would grow old together, I really feel lost,really feel like the wind kicked out of me and I feel like half a person. So every day is different. Some days are more weepy than others. I'm not sure what brings it on. I don't like being home by myself in the mornings, and the nights are very hard. I wake up with a lot of anxiety in my chest."